I have meditated on death for the last few weeks. Each day acknowledging the nature of my mortality and also encouraging a light heart. One night after listening to “Sleep Walking” by This Wild Life and laying down for the night, my cat curled up between my legs. I felt immense gratitude that this animal would want to spend its time with me. It felt so good it hurt, and then tears came. Like a down pour I felt my mind recoil and attempt to put up shields but it was too late. The truth was coming through. “Someday I am going to die.” I cried and cried and cried and cried. My mind tried dodging, making excuses, bargaining, but there was no escape. Just like there is no escape from death itself. It felt like the Grim Reaper was just over my shoulder waiting to take me home.
I felt all my armor come off. Why pretend to be someone else if you are going to die?
We spend our whole lives chasing illusions. Meaningless ones like money, possesions, validation from others. Ultimately all this things are fleeting, like life itself.
Everything is borrowed. Every breath you take, every second you are alive, is on borrowed time. So why run? Why put up a mask? Why lie to ourselves?
The greatest lie we tell ourselves is that we are getting out of here alive. That heaven is awaiting us, or some how we will be born again in reincarnation. I found comfort in the truth is that whatever this incarnation is “Kyle” will only be here for a short time and then whatever is left, if any, may go to wherever there is go after my body has exhausted everything in it. Or if Isomehow become like some of the masters before me, consciously leave my body when I am done. I’m not holding my breath.
Everything we have is temporary. The comfort of this body. Our home. Our friends. All just temporary joys in this illusionary experince we call reality. So enjoy them while they last.
When you accept death you become excited to live. Every chance to breathe, to be, is a chance to experience something new.
I went from dreading each day, dragging myself through, disappointed and regretful about my life. To now being excited to sleep to maybe get another chance to live again tomorrow. My wish is that I may, but if not, I will not take this moment for granted.