A Cure for a Pain in the Neck
From the moment I opened my eyes that morning, my emotions were at war. I started the day fighting myself and the painful feelings I felt around my friends. I continued to suffer, eventually surrendering to the pain, and meeting it where it was. After reading an article from Loner Wolf co-creator Aletheia Luna about shadow work, I decided to meet my emotions where they were and observe where the resistance was coming from. I meditated in the car on my way to breakfast using my new focus.
“When I breathe in, I release I embrace being”
“When I breathe out, I release grasping”
I began to practice in the car and a miracle happened. I could see the emotions and thoughts that I had desperately wanted to shift, wanted to change. It seemed now that I was ready to embrace the shadows of my mind and integrate the whole of my consciousness, (light and dark) as the meditation allowed me to see it. Instead of me grasping onto my desperate desire to find the truth and destroy the lies in my mind, I simply embraced exactly where and who I was in that moment. Suddenly I could see everything clearly because I wasn’t busy judging myself for my perception (embrace being) or trying to change who I am (release grasping). As my perception cleared the power of the thoughts and feelings lost their power.
As I got out of the car, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders for the first time in a long time. I felt free. A feeling I still feel with me at this very moment. I realized that for people like me, (and I surmise with our current culture there are a lot of us) that there is a deep part of ourselves that believes we must change and we "must achieve". We believe deeply that what we are is not good enough. How we think, and feel is not good enough. That is a lie. We don't have to be anything other than who we are right now, and this is the funny thing, when we stop “grasping” and trying so hard, we can finally see ourselves in the mirror; and once we see the truth of who we are, change is inevitable. We don't change because we aren't good enough, we "change" because we are good enough. This change isn't against the fundamentals of who we are, it is an awakening of the person that we forgot was inside us all along. We are all we need to be already. All that is required of us is to blossom. One petal at a time.